What can I say?
I seem to be buckling.
When first moving to my new place (sans apartment gym), I thought I’d be fine with just the road, trails, the lakefront, and an obsessive abundance of Jillian Michaels dvds at my disposal.
Heat advisories and the rainiest July Chicago has had in ages happened. Workout dvd boredom happened. Along with that really awkward feeling of doing squats and jumping jacks in front of the new roomie.
So after all my whining, along with this weeks forecast of rain, rain, and- wait for it- more rain, I finally shut up and did something about it.
Sold my soul to the chain that is a short walk from my place.
Well- not completely just yet, but a guest pass has been acquired. I expect to hear from them every other day asking about how my experience is and when I’m going to sign up for a full membership.
Because God knows they tried last night.
After an entire hour of hellish introductory crap.
After an hour of asking questions waiting for me to not know an answer so they can give me the ol’ “I know better than you- you need this gym” feeling.
An hour of “this machine will make you more flexible”.
“Ehhh… I’m already pretty flexible.” And the machine made me uncomfortable. He made me try to touch my toes. I passed my toes and put my hands on the floor.
“Oh… you’re pretty flexible… well this machine would make you even more.”
Ok buddy. I will not be using it.
An hour of “what is your main form of exercise?”
“Like how much? Because we can teach you how to train if you’re interested in that kind of thing.”
“I sort of already do races and stuff that I sometimes train for.”
“Like how far are the races? 5k?”
“Last year I ran that half marathon you’re advertising on your t-shirt right now. Are you running it? I also ran one in April. I like the half marathon distance.”
“Uuuhhhh… I don’t run… have you ever injured yourself when running?”
“Well yeah, but I’m fine now-
“AH BUT we can help you with that!”
An hour of “assessment” that included my body fat getting tested.
“Oh… you’re in a good range… but I mean, you could be in the “excellent” range…” and “not saying you need to by any means, but at your height and weight, you can lose up to x pounds in x amount of time if you want.”
Thanks bud… did I even mention I wanted to lose weight? Because I’m pretty sure I didn’t.
An hour of “what would you like to change about yourself? What are you fitness goals?”
“I don’t really want to change anything… just sort of keep up my level of fitness and maintain.”
“Really? Nothing you’d want to change if you could? A certain area? Nothing?”
REALLY DUDE? Why don’t you just tell me what you don’t like about what you see. Give me some guidance of where you think I’m lacking. Or where I’ve got a little pudge that you don’t appreciate. I’d love to hear it. Really, the only thing I’d like to change are my tiny boobs. So unless your gym offers free silicone, I’d really like to end this “I’m not happy with what I look like” that it seems you’re trying to make me feel.
Also, please do not quiz me on my protein levels and how often I eat a day. I came for the gym. Not 20 pounds of protein supplement and a personalized nutrition plan. Yes, I know how much protein I need. Yes, I’m very positive I’m getting enough. No really, I know I am. Seriously- not interested in the protein and vitamins you guys offer.
“If you sign up for a full year today, we can get you 6 months free.”
“But I’d really just like to use the guest pass for a week to check out the place and see if I like it.”
“Is there something you see that you don’t like?”
“Well not yet. But I’m not going to give you money without at least trying it once.”
“Well would you like to go workout then sign up after?”
“I’m seriously not putting money down today. That’s why I have this pass I’d like to use.”
Then he goes and gets the manager to talk to me. Of course it’s not just any manager. It’s the tall, square-jawed, tan sexy manager with the perfect bleached smile who likes to wink at all the right times. Seriously?
They finally gave up and let me go with my week guest pass.
But by that point, I was exhausted and just ran for the closest group of ellipticals. 35 there and then 12 minutes on the stairs that opened up. Would have done some weight machines, but figured if I had even the slightest in bad form, they’d all pounce on me and insist I use a trainer for 4 or 5 days out of the week.
Really I’m not that picky. I just want something cheap where I can be left alone and not be surrounded by juice heads every day. As much as Jersey Shore is a guilty pleasure of mine to watch, I’d rather not live it.
The rest of this week will be interesting.
Filed under: Fitness Randomness | Tagged: fitness, free gym passes, healthy lifestyle, Healthy Living, signing up for a gym | 52 Comments »